My First Blog Post

Well, this is my first blog post!  I am very excited about it and I am also a little nervous too because I do not have a clue how it works all the way, but I am sure I will figure it out.  I decided to start a blog because I need a place to vent and to hopefully help me through all the things I have had happen recently.  A little background about me is I was born and raised in South Mississippi.  We live right on the coast and I love it.  My husband and I have been together almost 13 years and been married for 4 of those years. We met at a casino we both worked at valeting cars. I might add that it was such a fun job and we made lifelong friends there. We were married September 9, 2006 and I couldn’t be any happier to have him as my husband. 

I have 2 sisters, Rachalle Lauren 27 and Lauren Ashley 14.  My little sister Rachalle is severely mentally handicapped, but she is the reason I am the person I am today.  She is so perfect to me and I wouldn’t have her any other way. My other sister Lauren is also such an amazing person.  She is so smart and I hope her dreams come true.  I am so proud at who she has become already in her small life.  She knows her faith and loves God and has the biggest heart ever!  My mom and I are so close.  She is my best friend I can tell her anything and I thank God he placed me with her because I don’t think I could make it in this life without her. My dad passed away in 2007 and I miss him so much! He is the father of Rachalle and me.  Lauren’s dad is my stepfather who I also love very much.   

Okay, now for the reason I am here.  My husband and I wanted children from the first day we were married and immediately started trying.  I started to get worried after 6 months and no baby, but we kept trying because everything I read online says to at least try for a year before seeking fertility help, so we did.  After a year and still no pregnancy I went to the doctor and I checked out fine, but my husband didn’t.  He was diagnosed with a varicocele and would need surgery to remove it.  It’s not that we couldn’t get pregnant on our own, but it would just be a little harder since the varicocele was affecting the morphology of the “swimmers” (LOL).  So the surgery was the best option. 

We would have got the surgery right then, but we were waiting for his company’s insurance enrollment to start up again (which was 11 months from when we found out) so we kept trying still until we were able to switch over.  I ended up getting on with a company in 2008 that was working hurricane catastrophe claims, and when Hurricane Ike hit in Texas I was working out of Mobile, AL (an hour away from my house) and I was working 6 to7 days a week 10 to 12 hours a day for  almost a year, I know, insane!  So we just waited until all the stress of work was over before trying to get the surgery.

Low and behold, I got pregnant on our 3^rd wedding anniversary!  No surgery or anything (I did lose 40 lbs. though) you could not imagine how happy I was to see a positive pregnancy test and not a negative one (everyone with fertility issues knows what I’m talking about).  We immediately told everyone!  If there was a way to measure happiness, we would have tipped the scales! I was actually in disbelief and would go and get pregnancy test all the time the first 10 weeks I was pregnant because I just couldn’t believe it!!  After 3 years of trying God finally blessed us!  I was so happy too because being a Catholic we are very limited on what is morally acceptable when it comes to fertility, and rightly so. 

At four months pregnant we found out we were having a little boy!  We named him Peyton Gabriel.  What a huge blessing!  I looked forward to every doctor’s visit!  Larry never missed one either! We had our baby shower on March 14^th, 2010.  I was 8 weeks away from my due date.  We had everything!  Our shower was absolutely beautiful!! We had about 80 people at it and it was one the prettiest days (no humidity here in Mississippi is in itself a blessing!). The next day we got up and went to return all of the things we had received more than one of.  We still needed a car seat and a stroller, so with the gift certificates that’s what we got. It was so cute, Eddie Bauer blue plaid set! Larry’s dad came Tuesday and dropped off his gift for Peyton and it was the matching Eddie Bauer Play-yard!  Larry put it together instantly!  We loved it so much and were SOOO thankful for everything!

That Tuesday was so strange.  I remember waking up and I thought I felt Peyton moving.  I went through the day cleaning and getting everything sanitized and ready for Peyton’s arrival.  I invited Larry’s sister over too because she was pregnant also (she was 3 weeks ahead of me).  I made dinner and we were sitting around talking and I was feeling my stomach for Peyton to kick me (he was very active) and he wasn’t. I started to get worried because I only remembered him kicking that morning, or at least I thought I did.  When I was about 3 months pregnant I got a cheap Doppler from Amazon because I was so paranoid about something happening and I knew as long as I could hear his heartbeat I would be relieved.  So I put the Doppler to my stomach and heard nothing!  I was scared to death, but was then thinking maybe he just moved into a weird position, or the batteries were low, or something.  I tell Larry we have to go to the hospital.

We pulled into the hospital at about 11pm. They checked me in and sent me upstairs to be monitored.   That’s when I freaked.  She could not find Peyton’s heartbeat!  She said, “Don’t worry; sometimes these things happen to where we can’t hear anything, but just to be safe we are going to call your doctor to do an ultrasound.”  I was thinking –why are they calling my doctor to do an ultrasound at midnight and why can’t they call an ultrasound person on duty to do it- I knew something wasn’t right.  I was in a room when doctor S came in about 20 minutes later and they had an ultrasound machine sent up to the room.  He set it up and started rolling the wand over my stomach, and then I saw his head drop.  He said, “I’m so sorry Alisha and Larry there’s no heartbeat.”  We were all crying Dr S the nurse and me and Larry.  It was absolutely an indescribable feeling.  Like a void. I know a piece of me died when Peyton died.   

We left there that night and decided to wait to the next night to get prepared for the delivery.  We went straight from the hospital to our local parish where they have a 24 hour Eucharistic Adoration.  We were the only ones there and we just cried and cried! We then went home and of course could not sleep.  Our entire family was with us every step of the way.  We went in the next night at 11pm to start inducing me. I was in labor for 36 hours and finally gave birth to my beautiful son March 19, 2010.  He was 16 ¼ inches long, weighed 3.2 lbs. and had dark curly hair.  He was PERFECT! 

His umbilical cord had wrapped around his leg so many times that every time he would kick it was pulling away from his belly button.  The doctor said it was one of the rarest ways a baby could die in the womb.  We had his funeral March 22.  The church was full and it was beautiful.  He was loved by everyone so much already! I can’t believe we just had his baby shower 6 days before.  I am not emotionally right at all since this has happened. I miss him so much and I am constantly talking to my little Saint all the time. 

On top of all this we are now dealing with “trying” again.  It has been 6 months and Larry did go and get the surgery about 5 months ago that way it will be easier for us, but it still hasn’t happened.  I was also been diagnosed with hypothyroidism about 2 months ago.  I have been charting my BBT and cervical mucus.  I’m praying we will get pregnant soon!

This has been the longest post in history I’m sure!  I know it will probably be the longest one I will ever post…..
~Alisha