Stressed and homesick

I secretly hate this lifestyle of travel nursing that we have had no choice but to choose. We are so homesick!  I have all these questions that seem to never stop in my head: 

Why does life have to be so hard?  

Why does money have to be the sole rule in your life? 

Why did we have to lose Peyton?

Why did Larry have to have the worse preceptor in CRNA school who hated him and got him removed, just months away from graduating?  

I feel like we are good people, and I just don't understand why these things keep happening to us!  I just want to be home, in my house, with my furniture!   I am so sick of traveling and having to uproot my two year old daughter every couple months, and then having to explain to her we have a new house now.  She is so confused. I hate to be such a negative nelly on this post.  I am just so lost.  I used to have such a blessed beautiful faith! I prayed all the time, NEVER missed church, I was always saying a Novena, I never cursed, I felt something at almost every Mass. Now I am overwhelmed, and stress has consumed my life.  I feel like I don't have a relationship with God anymore. I feel like I've let Him down, never trusting that he has our life under control.  I'm so confused.  We just moved lastnight into a newer place than where we were.  I like it a lot better and it has a washer and dryer "inside" the unit. We were up till really early this morning moving. Maybe exhaustion has got the best of me.  

My little Gianna Gabriella!

I haven't updated in a while because I feel like I'm more ADD than ever, since having Gia. Lol I feel like I'm in a fog all day long!  Maybe it's just being a mom?! I've had my thyroid checked and it's in normal range on the Synthroid now. 

 I have enjoyed my little bundle of beautiful joy so much!  She is attached to my hip for sure!  We are living in Dallas temporarily while Larry is travel nursing. Gianna and I decide to tag along.  His next contract will be in California!  I'm not really excited about being 'that' far from home.  In Dallas we are only 9 hour drive from home, but California will be 30 something hours!! A huge difference.  Also, I'm a little nervous about the radiation in the water from Fukushima (I'm not crazy I swear... LOL). 

Amount other things on my mind is - I've chosen to not vaccinate Gianna yet.  I told myself I wanted to wait until she is 3 and vaccinate, but now that her age is approaching 3 in 5 months, I am seriously still not wanting to do it!  I don't know why I am so paranoid of everything.  I guess it has to do with losing a child.  Maybe I have some PTSD from losing Peyton. Well I actually know I do!   

I need to go grocery shopping, but here are some photos of my angel "Gia" 

Chocolate pudding monster!!

Couldn't find my dish drain stopper..... It was on Gia's kitchen!!!  BAHAHAHAHA love these little memories!!!